Julie vs Emily

To help me find my way driving around Western Europe I have two navigation aids – my wife Julie, and my Sat Nav Emily.

They have many similarities. For example, they are both female and give directions in a firm clear voice. They both show displeasure if their instructions are ignored although Emily tends to get less emotional about it.

When Emily tells you to turn left in 400 metres you know that she means left – with Julie it is always best to double-check by asking her to point which why she wants you to turn. Emily gives clear instructions to turn off a road well before you reach the junction – Julie’s instructions are often retrospective – “I think you should have turned left back there”.

Although Emily has street level mapping for the whole of Western Europe she doesn’t know about all those new roads the Spanish have been building in the last couple of years – “go to nearest road” is not the most helpful instruction when you are on a dual carriageway wondering which exit to take. She also doesn’t know about the weekly market that closes one of the main roads through a French town or the cycle race which involves a major detour for motorised traffic.

When we realise we have taken a wrong turn Julie’s and Emily’s tactics vary considerably. Julie tends to concentrate on recent errors of judgement on my part – “I told you Emily was taking us the wrong way” whereas Emily will keep repeating “perform a U turn when possible” which when towing a caravan down a narrow country lane is no more helpful.

There is a third option I have sometimes taken, usually with disastrous results, and that is to ignore both Julie and Emily and make my own decision about which road to take – a sure way to upset both of them. Being a stubborn man I will often just keep driving with the combined sounds of “perform a U turn when possible” and “turn that stupid thing off” ringing in my ears until we find somewhere to stop and consult that tried and tested navigational tool – a map!